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don't touch my stuff

let me just preface this entry with the following:

i know that i am extremely sensitive and i know that i read a great deal of meaning into things that other people do not. this is far from the ideal person that i would like to be, but it is still who i am.

so, i thought it was annoying when people like jo3 and xheartfallx were using my magnetic poetry before i ever had a chance to. i mean, here were these two gifts from my parents that i'd taken all the time to set up, but hadn't had a chance to use. and jo3, who wasn't even speaking to me at the time, was using them, not just to make poetry, but to make statements to and about me. grrr!

eventually, i did have a chance to write a few lines after some pretty traumatic events in my life. obviously, these weren't award winning poems, but they meant something to me. but, apparently they meant nothing to jo3's friends friday night, as they picked them apart to write sentences about mooning people because tequila tastes sweet.

now, i know you're all thinking, "but, amanda, it's just magnetic poetry." and you're right. but it's also my poetry, written with my magnets, on my refrigerator, in my apartment. and they had no right to mess about with it without my permission.

all this has just served to remind me just how antisocial i actually am. i have never liked having people over, especially in my room. i don't like them touching, using and snooping through things. doesn't anyone have respect for personal privacy? i don't like them putting their shoes on my bed or not using coasters on my desk. doesn't anyone have respect for personal property? having people, besides boyfriends, over actually makes me physically ill.

but what i really dislike is the fact that no one i know ever seems to think about how what they do will affect the people around them. this most certainly is the "me" generation. i think about other people so much that i let them put their shoes on my bed or keep me up at night, while my stomach knots up, because i don't want to call them out and embarrass them.

the logical thing for me to do, would be to just join the rest of the mob and quit giving a shit about how what i do makes other people feel. but, we all know i can't do that. the closest i can come is to make broad generalizations here on livejournal (except, of course, those savage three who leave me no other choice but to name them).

i have no idea why, but i still believe that all people can be good. i believe that good people will not take advantage of others and will not take offense when in the wrong. i believe good people will always want to be better and will want to help others do the same.

it all boils down to my belief that we can never escape this circle of life and death until all people are in the same state of nirvana. actually, i don't even know if i believe in reincarnation anymore. but, i do believe no man can be truly happy while another man suffers.

also, ignorance does not equate to true happiness. all men should strive to know all things, themselves best of all.


( 4 comments — Say Something )
Apr. 11th, 2004 10:22 am (UTC)
I have to be able to predict the future, when i saw everyone using your magnets i made a comment like "maybe you shouldnt bother all of those!" and what happens everyone ignores micah because i never say anything that people should heed.
Apr. 11th, 2004 10:51 am (UTC)
thanks anyway.
Apr. 11th, 2004 10:23 pm (UTC)
to be perfectly honest i'd rather you would have said the names you think wrote those words on your fridge instead of not embarrassing them as you said. if it makes you feel better about the situation and think the people involved can benefit from it then by all means, please do so. but, to want or even expect certain things from people who choose to go about life differently than you and not speak up is expecting a lot. maybe too much. we were very unaware of your situation and position on many things..and now we know. we're human. your smart enough to know i don't really need to say anything more than "we're human." i'm in no way trying to make excuses or mounting a defense. i know it sounds like it but i hope ya realize i'm not trying to...i understand your position..it may not seem it..but i do. we all do screwy things.

your speaking a lot of zen lately. it makes me glad to see someone doing that. you situation makes me think of what's in my bio.. "what if nothing you tried worked? what would you do then?" the answer(to me) is to just be yourself and do what you do. i do what i do, and that's all i can do.

i don't know you well enough to know if this is seriously bothering you that much or not but if it is as much as it's made me think than let me just say, thanks. no sarcasm. :)
Apr. 11th, 2004 10:35 pm (UTC)
i don't know who wrote that stuff. i didn't even see it until the next afternoon. so there were no names to names. i think you all will read this, so you can each figure it out on your own.

i'm not mad at you kids about any of that stuff. i know that no one thinks the same way i do about those little things.

i just have this [stupid] hope that some day everyone will care about everyone else, that people will think before they do.

i can't make people care. all i can do is show them that i hurt, and hope that the pain strikes a chord in their hearts and makes them want to change.

so, these little things aren't really bothering me, per se. it's a lot of things in all aspects of my life piling up. i try to be selfless in nearly everything i do, but it gets me nothing but grief. still, i feel this is the one true path to happiness for me. i have to work through the pain and try to share my philosophy with others along the way.

i don't feel i need to call anyone out in particular for anything. instead, i just talk about my thoughts, ideas, feelings and philosohpies here and hope that the people who interact with me will understand me more clearly.
( 4 comments — Say Something )

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