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i'm really going to die here

i cannot even begin to fathom why i am afraid (yes, afraid!) to make food in front of people, but i have no doubt this is going to cause some major problems for me.

i would just eat sandwiches, but we have no bread.

we went down to the cliffs behind the farm today. the ocean is seriously in my back yard. we've had a lot of rain since i've been here though, so the creek was flowing and the boys were all too scared to go down.

i would have gone. i wasn't scared at all. it looked easy to me. as i pondered ways to talk someone into coming down with me, i thought of things i'd tell sean before i left and this came to mind: if i slip and die, tell my mom i'm sorry and tell my dad i had a time.

i'm weird.

oh, i gouged another hole in my foot today. this time on a barbed wire fence. i'm an idiot.

xxx

tom nook is selling a throne for 700,000 bells or so today. i'm tempted to fish all day and see if i can make it, but i don't want to seem that antisocial. or, maybe i do. i really don't fit in here.

i'm tempted to just leave. to bum around the island for three months. sleep on the beach, in the gutter. i don't know. i don't care. i just don't belong here. and if i'm going to starve to death anyway, i might as well be enjoying the path that's taking me there.

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